the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Randomize
