I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Randomize
