I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Randomize
