They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Never underestimate the power of titties
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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