4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize