How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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