I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
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