if you like me you must not know who I am
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
