the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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