remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
