HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
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