Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
