Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize