Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
