Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Randomize
