Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
