I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Randomize
