I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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