We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Randomize
