Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
