let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Randomize
