I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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