So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
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my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
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It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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