Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
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