i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
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