i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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