By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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