is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Randomize
