I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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