Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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