I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
