I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Randomize
