I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
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