Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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