Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
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