I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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