I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Randomize