It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
