You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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