Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
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