Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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