Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
