Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's great music for shaving your balls
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize