Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
