there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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