Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
