I'm going to rape someone's good day.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
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