he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
