He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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