I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
