he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
