just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Randomize
