just survived the first fart of the relationship.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
