question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
