Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Life is so much better after having sex.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
