i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I think my moral compass just broke
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
