Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
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