Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
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