Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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