Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Randomize
