I love black thongs
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
