Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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