Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
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