I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
