i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize