apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
My balls are so social today.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
