From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
