Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Text me some of your sweat
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
