if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
