fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
