Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize