Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize
