Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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