***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
home. puking in laundry basket.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Randomize
