my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
