I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Randomize
