doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
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In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
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Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
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