plz talk dirty to me
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I'm jealous of your bromance
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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